Esmeralda's Road

This was written in 2022. It still feels relevant.

Phew! What a ride it’s been, hasn’t it? The last few years, I mean. 

While the pandemic may now feel it’s in the distant past, its effects are starting to become evident. Some of us took the pandemic as an opportunity to pause and reevaluate our lives. Others did not know how to deal with the sudden STOP and things got pretty bad. 

I feel a great sense of pride in how much “healing” work I took the time to do. Healing – that’s a dirty word. Don’t talk about it because it means there was something wrong with you or even worse, your family unit!

But there is so much power in saying “THIS IS REALLY HARD!” (meaning LIFE). Once you can admit that, figuring out a way to really honor that feeling helps us feel validated and eventually able to move on without causing further suffering. 

If only it were as easy as re-reading that last sentence. Unfortunately, there is no shortcut to rewiring our brain. Getting to a better place is the sum of lots of small, consistent habits. The most clichè ones… journaling, meditating, nutrition and exercise, breathwork and more.

The purpose of all these positive habits is to keep tabs on yourself and avoid burnout – both physical and emotional. Please note: the purpose of these habits is NOT perfection. You do not need yet another thing you are not doing to keep track of. 

What is it that makes you feel refreshed? What feels like a warm embrace on a cold day? Asking ourselves questions like this might sometimes feel overwhelming… Sometimes these questions help us realize that we don’t know ourselves at all. Who am I outside of this persona I’ve created to be deemed worthy of social acceptance?

The reason a lot of us don’t “do” self help is that we are afraid to admit how badly we felt that we were hurt. That’s right, how badly we FELT we were hurt. Whether in childhood or more recently. Just because someone did not live a typically “difficult childhood” does not mean that they did not experience trauma of some sort (there goes another dirty word). For example, someone could have been born into a “great family” – generational wealth, irrefutable social status, a clear career path.

And yet… that person could be suffering from unfathomable sadness in their adult life due to their experiences growing up in said “great family.” It’s all too common to see people living out their family’s dreams rather than their own. Or hiding parts of themselves for fear of what others might think. 

I’ve got news for you, though. If you have the self-awareness to realize that you are living life in ways that you are less than proud of, congratulations, you have taken one step toward cultivating inner peace. Yep. That’s how it starts. You can’t beat yourself up for not doing something and then beat yourself up for doing the thing. Although that is precisely what we tend to do. We forget that change is a process and that it has to start somewhere.

Of course it is not going to happen overnight. And it most certainly will not be perfect or even good on that first try. And of COURSE it will take a while to really feel like you are experiencing tangible results. But think about it, how long did it take you to develop the habits that have gotten you where you are right now? A lifetime, more than likely.